Emily Starr--Emily of New Moon Trilogy

Once upon a time, when I was fifteen years old, my mom bought The Enchanted Castle by E. Nesbit at a library book sale. I pulled it out of the box sitting at the top of the stairs, read it, and went on a total E. Nesbit kick. One day, I stood in the children's section at the library looking fruitlessly for an E. Nesbit book I hadn't read. Then I noticed the book at the end of the row on the next shelf over staring me down.

I picked it up, read the back, decided to take a chance because I loved Anne, devoured the book, and my life changed forever. I read the rest of the series out of order, actually. I read #3, Emily's Quest, next, and didn't particularly like it because she was miserable and it made the book depressing. I then read #2, Emily Climbs, which remains my favorite to this day. Oh, the terror of reading of when Emily was locked in the church with Mad Mr. Morrison for the first time, the relief when Teddy came to rescue her. The hilarity of Perry's escapades when he went to dinner at Dr. Hardy's. The beauty of the night in the Old John House. Having a better name for the glimpse of beauty and wonder I would sometimes get, which I'd called my "end of The Last Battle feeling" and could now call "the flash" (I most often got it when reading the last few paragraphs of The Last Battle). Writing letters to my future self because that's what Emily did. It'll be interesting to open them someday. Knowing that inability to write is just a season because Emily went through it, and she got through it.

Emily was me. She still is me.

Now, of course, I'm not an orphan and I don't live with my aunts on Prince Edward Island, but other than that, she's so me it's scary.

Emily is a writer. She longs to be published, and eventually she is. She has an imagination. She gets herself into scrapes. Like when Lofty John convinced her she'd eaten a poisoned apple. She has her group of friends. Ilse, the wild daughter of Dr. Burnley who lost his faith when—as he thought—his wife ran off with another man leaving him with his baby daughter. Ilse the actress. Perry Miller, the hired boy from Stovepipe Town, who lives with his Aunt Tom when he's not at New Moon, who wants to marry Emily someday. Perry the lawyer.

Teddy Kent, the boy Emily and Ilse got to know by cheering him up after an illness as per Dr. Burnley's wishes, whose mother is a tortured, possessive, crazy woman whom Teddy loves dearly. Teddy the artist. The one whom Emily loves. The one who loves Emily. The one who is too shy to tell her that he loves her, to ask her to wait for him when he went to the School of Design in Montreal, and thus they spend ten years apart, hoping, wondering, despairing, trying to forget and move on, utterly miserable and depressed, unable to stop loving each other. This is why I found Emily's Quest so depressing. But now that I'm older, I love that book anyway. In spite of the heartache and misery. In spite of hating relationship drama with a vengeance. Because Emily's struggles, Emily's story mean so much to me.

Emily had bright moments. Like when Mr. Carpenter told her the character sketches in her Jimmy-book were literature. When she got to go to Shrewsbury for high school. The wonderful night in the Old John House, flying on the wings of fancy as she created A Seller of Dreams (just forget the scandal that followed because of rumors and also what Dean later did to A Seller of Dreams). Finally holding her book in her hands, a real book, at last, and one that Aunt Elizabeth actually liked and supported and was proud of. Her second chance with Teddy, when he whistled for her in Lofty John's bush and she went to him, stripping away years of misery and misunderstanding, together at last.

She had dark moments. Like when she thought she was going to die from a poisoned apple. When all of Shrewsbury was scandalized that Emily, Ilse, Perry, and Teddy survived a blizzard together in the Old John House. When she thought Teddy hated her. When Dean Priest told her A Seller of Dreams was terrible, and so she burned it. When he later admitted it was actually very good, he was just jealous because it had consumed her time leaving him with little. When Emily learned Teddy had loved her, but she'd still have to resign herself to never marrying him because to all appearances, it was too late.

She had strange, unexplainable moments. Like when she dreamed that Ilse's mother had actually fallen in the well, and it turned out to be true, restoring Dr. Burnley's faith in God. Like when she drew in her sleep the place where a missing child was trapped. Like when she somehow transcended space and time to stop Teddy from sailing on the ship that was to sink, saving his life and convincing her that no matter if she could never have Teddy, she still couldn't settle for Dean Priest.

Emily's story is one that is ingrained in me. It's so real. So true to life. So relatable. It means so much.

Emily Byrd Starr is so much more than a favorite character to me. So much more. She's Emily.