Monday, February 15, 2016

On Fictional Romances

I've been thinking about writing a post on this subject for a while, and now seemed like an appropriate time, yesterday being Valentine's Day, and all.

When I was little, I despised romance. While I wanted to know who the characters married when they grew up, I didn't want that to happen in the story. Possibly because I hated for characters to grow up, but that's beside the point. As I moved into my teen years, I started to like a dash of romance in books and movies. Over the last few years, I've gotten to the point where I want to put a romance subplot into my own books. That, among other things, has gotten me thinking about just how I want fictional romance to be. Because while I now really like that romantic subplot, I'm still rather picky about romance. And the analytical side of my brain had to figure out the exacts of the matter.

Top five things I dislike in romance.

1. Inappropriate content.
This pretty much goes without saying. If a couple goes further physically in their relationship than they should prior to marriage, that's not okay with me at all. Most likely, I'll skip the story entirely. Even post-marriage, where certain things are right and acceptable, it doesn't need to be shown to the reader/viewer. While I love sweet, touching, romantic scenes, a fact to which I'm sure Kendra will attest, there comes a point where the reader should no longer be welcome and the couple should be given some privacy.

2. Excessive relationship drama
Every couple is going to have struggles. It's just part of being human. However, I cannot stand it when it gets excessive. You know the drill: Couple gets along great, wants to get married. Misunderstanding comes about, they break up, no longer want to ever get married. Misunderstanding is cleared up, they're ready to get married again....until the next installment in the series where they do the whole thing all over again. Yes, I'm looking at you, Spider-Man 3. Disagreements shouldn't be that drastic. I don't care if it happens in real life.

3. Dating that lasts forever without leading to marriage
Relationships that go on forever without ending in marriage, or even ones that take absolutely forever to get to marriage, annoy me. What's the point? As much as I love Andy Griffith, and while I understand that many funny situations in the show are dependent on Andy and Helen still dating, it tends to annoy me that they don't just get married. There's no purpose to a relationship like that. (They do get married post the end of the show, but that's still after dating forever.) I think a lot of writers think romance ends when a couple marries, but it absolutely doesn't. The Scarlet Pimpernel and the DragonKeeper Chronicles are two excellent examples of romance about a married couple.

4. Shallow relationships
I especially hate it when fictional relationships are based on practically nothing. He's good looking, she's pretty, let's date. And there's no more depth to it than that. A relationship with no roots is never going to last. Love at first sight falls under this as well. While in real life, love at first sight can and often does turn into a true, lasting relationship, fictional treatments generally seem to be shallow.

5. Love triangles and other "which guy do I choose?" situations
Don't get me wrong, there are tons of stories I love that contain these types of situations, but they still annoy me. If you can't choose between Alec and Alonzo, chances are it's because you haven't met Jonas yet. (bonus points if you understood that reference) (extra bonus points if you got that one) While it may be funny in an indecisive character, it makes the girl seem like a flirt, whether she is one or not. If she is one, I'm not going to like her all that much. These situations also set up fans to ship the wrong ship, and then you've got fangirls complaining about how you're blowing holes in their ship...not exactly what you want. Swanfire, anyone?

Top five things I like in fictional romance.

1. Relationships with God at the center
The first antidote to shallow relationships. With God at the center of a relationship, if He is the one drawing the couple together, in fiction as in real life, this is a relationship that has everything in the right place. God is our rock, He is our foundation, and this should remain true in romantic relationships. One of the reasons I love the way Molly Evangeline/Jaye L. Knight writes romance is because she always keeps this in mind.

2. Couples that are also best friends
This is the second antidote to shallow relationships. Couples ought to be really good friends. If two people don't have enough in common to be best friends at a just friends level, why would they have enough in common to be husband and wife? But what I personally especially like is when the couple is good friends before officially becoming a couple. They already know each other well, their relationship as friends has already lasted, and it has the best of chances to last as a marriage. That's one of the reasons Reuben and Petra from yet unpublished Lady Dragon, Tela Du are one of my favorite couples. They're already best friends, they already know each other well enough to know that they are right for each other, and it will be a lasting relationship, once they're ready to take that next step.

3. When marriage is the goal from the beginning
There's no point to a romantic relationship if the end goal is not marriage. Yet so many stories toss in that dash of romance just to have that dash of romance. Just look at Indiana Jones. I love the stories that look on a romantic relationship, be it dating or courting, as a means to the end of marriage. I'm going to bring up Molly's books and DragonKeeper Chronicles again. I love how there's no reason for having the relationship other than eventual marriage. For Anne Shirley and Emily Starr, it's the same thing. Even though Anne has some difficulty recognizing her real Prince Charming and Emily's has difficulty getting over his shyness enough to tell her he loves her, the goal isn't to date, the goal is to get married. And I love that.

4. Girls that fall for the "good boys"
I can't tell you how the "bad boy" trend annoys me. Which is why it makes me so happy when the girl falls for the "good boy" instead. Jace, Bardon, Prince/King Arthur, Reuben Eaglechaser, Gilbert Blythe, Teddy Kent, Calvin O'Keefe...guys who treat the girls with honor and respect (carrots was when they were kids, it doesn't count), who will protect and defend them, who will choose to do the right thing. Girls of the storybooks, "bad boy" may be your charity case, but "good boy" should be your husband.

5. The ability to make up after a fight without going through a huge drama first
My sisters and I fight, but we never stay mad at each other for long because we love and care about each other, and that overrides our disagreements in the end. If that's true for siblings, how much more so should it be for a couple? Things aren't going to go swimmingly all the time. Characters should be just as human as real people. And that does mean that sometimes the characters will disagree and fight and not get along. But it doesn't have to mean going through the whole Spider-Man 3 drama. Because with characters, like with people, love should be strong enough to enable them to make up.


So there you have a recipe for my favorite fictional romance...author friends take note. ;) And now that I'm ready for my characters to start pairing off, I think you'll begin to see these principles in my stories as well.

28 comments:

  1. Yesh! No love triangles! *cough* Hunger Games *cough* :D As much as I adore the books and movies, it got super annoying.

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    1. Same here! I love Hunger Games (though that doesn't quite seem an appropriate word to use in connection with the series), but sometimes I just wanted to smack Katniss on the head and tell her to stop trying to figure out if maybe she likes Gale because Peeta is obviously PERFECT for her.

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  2. Thank you!This sums up my thoughts exactly!! Especially the excessive drama bit :)

    In answer to the bonus and extra bonus points, she has met Jonas. This slightly colors my opinion of Phil.....

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    1. You're welcome.

      Met Jonas...you're not referring to the latest Phil video, are you? Because it ruined the whole thing for me. I don't know if I can watch it anymore. Better to stick to the the originals where I won't be disappointed.

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    2. Unfortunately, I do. His name was Jonas Blake. I don't think I can watch her videos anymore. I'll just stick to Ruby and Anne.

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    3. I know what his name was. Hence my disgust and disappointment when I watched the video. :P How much more I watch depends on how much of that storyline bleeds over into Anne's videos. I KNEW I should have been worried when I noticed the omission of Christianity in the adaptation.

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  3. Good post! I'm annoyed at some of the same things you are (and I like relationship drama more in books than I do in real life because it happens too often in real life!). Whenever you're ready for some good (exceptionally clean) romance books, you know where to find me. ;)

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    1. Thanks! I do know where to find you. :) I still like a good adventure in addition to the romance, though. I don't know if I could take straight romance. Too sappy.

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    2. That is, a story that's romance only and all about the romance. Course, that would be when the excessive relationship drama would probably kick in. :P

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    3. Relationship drama is a real thing, so I think it's fine in books. (Excessive, though, yeah I agree - do not like!)

      I will say one thing, though - there *is* a point to romantic relationships that don't have marriage as the goal. God puts people into our lives to grow us. We learn so much more when we make mistakes than when everything goes well. (Hello, look at Anne and Roy and Laurie and Jo! Anne learned that her ideal man isn't what she really needed, and Jo learned that even though she and Laurie were GREAT friends, he didn't have qualities that she needed in a husband.) In the past when I've been hurt by guys, it's only made me stronger and made me cling to Jesus more, so I don't regret any of the romantic relationships I've gotten myself into for a second. I really don't *love* (although I don't mind) couples in books that you know will get together in the end. I LOVE figuring out who the romantic partner is going to be with the character. (See the Tides of Truth trilogy by Robert Whitlow!)

      Anyway. Just my two cents. : )
      -Ashley-

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    4. People never get along 100% of the time, so there ought to be conflict. It's when it gets to be excessive that I can't stand it. See Spider-Man 3. :P

      I see learning from a failed romantic relationship as more of an "all things work together for good" thing, not as a this is how you should conduct romantic relationships thing. People don't have to play the dating game to figure out what they need in a spouse. I don't want to start that kind of relationship with some other girl's husband. And it isn't necessary. My mom would only date a guy she thought she could actually marry, and she only dated one guy, my dad. God absolutely can use failed relationships for His glory, but it still doesn't mean it has to be that way. And fictionally speaking, I just don't like when authors set up to sink my ship. I know you understand. Clintasha.

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    5. Exactly. (But I think Spider-Man 3 is really the only movie I can think of that was THAT dramatic. I hated it. {I didn't like the second one, either.})

      Well, some romantic relationships fail and that's also a "all things work together for good" thing. They're not two separate issues. People can think what they think about what they want in a spouse (again, look at Anne), but they won't know until they get out there. Maybe excessive serial dating is not the best way to do that, but guy friendships definitely help. I totally agree with your mom, but sometimes even that doesn't work out. A good friend of mine has been in two relationships with guys she honestly thought she could marry, but they ended up breaking up. You're right, but I think it's more realistic that somebody have at least one failed romantic relationship than date and marry one person. (As they say, truth is stranger than fiction!) I do understand what you mean about ships sinking, though. (Dang you, Joss Whedon.)

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    6. Spider-Man 3 is an extreme example, but it bothered me THAT much (I mean, they'd already been through the breakup thing, and then they have to do it again on the next level?), but I'm sure it's not alone.

      Yes, some relationships fail. I think my big thing about it is that I've watched relationships fail and it's sad and I want to try to avoid it myself if I can. Serial dating is definitely not the best way to figure out what you want, that tends to just cause more problems. You're right that guy friendships would help, but guy friendships can be just friends, it doesn't have to be anything more than that. It probably is more realistic to have at least one failed relationship, I'm sure it is, but that doesn't mean I have to like it. That's the main point of this post anyway; things I do and don't like, not necessarily things that are right and wrong. And my point wasn't about failed relationships anyway, it was more the dating just to date thing that's so predominant in real life and in fiction. Because even relationships that are intended to lead towards marriage can fail, but dating just for the sake of dating really doesn't have a purpose.

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  4. Amen to that! I read a book series that I dearly loved which did have an awful lot of romance in it, far more than I usually read. It was great, but I did not appreciate how descriptive the author was once the characters were married. I just skipped parts altogether.

    I pretty much wrote off Andy Griffith after Barney left, everything was just too repetitive. I hated the aimless dating that had no goal. Dating that goes on and on and on with no end goal steals the thunder from a romance. The TV and book writers who are afraid of letting their characters get married really just show how limited their imaginations and writing abilities are. Life only gets more interesting and complicated once marriage and family happen.

    The big misunderstanding leading to a dumb breakup. This is most Hallmark movies at the 3/4 point. It has gotten so predictable. I hate it.

    One series of movies I have deeply enjoyed the romance threads of is Martha Williamson's "Signed, Sealed, and Delivered". I heartily recommend them, she is a brilliant writer who breathes reality and truth into her stories.

    I did get the Alec and Alonzo reference. :)

    Good boys are awesome (Captain America, Barry Allen/The Flash, anyone?)

    Thanks so much for the post. I agree with you wholeheartedly!

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    1. The early Andy Griffith episodes are definitely the best. Without Barney, it's just not nearly as good. No end to dating really does steal the thunder from romance. You're right, life definitely gets more interesting with marriage and family.

      I'll have to look up "Signed, Sealed, and Delivered." Is it on Netflix?

      "Alec is the best looking, of course, and I simply couldn't marry a man who wasn't handsome....He's rather too perfect....Think of marrying a name like Alonzo! I don't believe I could endure. it. But he has a classic nose, and it would be a comfort to have a nose in the family that could be depended on." :D

      You're welcome. I'm so glad you agree!

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    2. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Did someone mention Signed, Sealed and Delivered?!! *fangirling* that's like my favoritest tv show right now! Unfortunately, it's not on Netflix :/ i had to get it from the library and I haven't gotten to see the new movies yet because I guess they aren't on DVS just the Hallmark channel *cries*

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  5. Yes yes yes to all of this. :) Especially the conflict and the friendship things.

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  6. I think I'm just as picky about romance as you are. I'm trying to strive for these things in my own writing, as well as not sticking the romance in the centre.

    I tagged you for the Leibster Award. http://annasbrie.blogspot.com.au/2016/02/liebster-award.html

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    1. Romance is an interesting subject to analyze.

      Thanks for the tag! I did it last summer, but those were different questions. :)

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  7. So true AND great advice! Reason 502 why you're one of my favorite authors.

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    1. Aw, thanks, Moriah.

      P.S. Is this trying to make up for not letting me read any more of your book? ;)

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  8. Seriously, I need to read The Dragonkeeper Chronicles!!!

    "I think a lot of writers think romance ends when a couple marries, but it absolutely doesn't." So, so, soooo true. I'll be keeping this in mind when I write :)

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    1. DragonKeeper Chronicles is fantastic! I love it. I feel like there are some flaws in the story structure, but the worldbuilding and character development are beyond amazing.

      Glad you agree, and found something to help your writing. :)

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  9. I loved all of the Anne of Green Gables references! That's like my favorite series!!! Thanks for putting together this post, I agree with everything you said :)
    As a writer I had this amazing idea for a book where it was practically all written in my head already but....there is romance in it. Clean romance (of course), but I think I'm gonna make myself wait to write all of it until after I get married someday because honestly idk much about romance past what I've read and seen in Hallmark movies lol
    And, I was super happy recently, ok well maybe two years ago, to find a romance movie about a newlywed couple. I love seeing sweet romances between people who are already married ^_^

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    1. AoGG is the best. Though I think I like Emily of New Moon a teensy bit better. I relate to Emily a bit more.
      You don't want to write a story that isn't ready to be written. :) But you don't necessarily have to wait to write romance until you've experienced it. It can be researched like anything else. You just have to find the right places...not Hallmark movies.
      So do I.

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  10. Alec and Alonzo and Jonas. Anne of the Island! : ) While I loved Phil's character, her inability to make up her mind drove me crazy! Great post!

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    1. Isn't it a great book? It is kind of annoying how she can't make up her mind about anything. Thanks!

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